New Year's Resolution
by Obscurity Within Mercy
Summary: After 122 years of being a demon, Ciel muses his own inner feelings for Sebastian on New Year's Day. A bit late for New Year's, but I really don't care.


**Warnings: OOC-ness, very light swearing. **

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><p>Ciel was currently on a small balcony. He was sitting on the railing; his face tilted upward, his eyes closed. He was the picture of feeling at peace. In reality, he was feeling anything but peace.<p>

His mind was nothing by turmoil.

He couldn't really believe it. The former earl had been a demon for 122 years. It seemed unreal. And all this time, Sebastian had remained by his side.

Sebastian. He was the current problem. The reason the earl-turned-demon's mind was restless. The elder demon had changed since Ciel had transformed. Oh, he still attended to the former earl's needs with perfection, that was true. However, that's all he ever did. He didn't show any sort of emotion when he did it. His face was always completely blank. He wouldn't talk to Ciel, either. When Ciel spoke to him, trying to coax some emotion out of the butler, he would ignore the younger demon, his face expressionless. The raven-haired demon only spoke to Ciel when he had to inform the young demon of something, but even then his voice was dull and lifeless. Hell, at this point, Ciel even missed when Sebastian would tease him and smirk as the boy tried to regain control. Now it was... Nothing.

Ciel knew why this was, of course. It was all because he became a demon at all. He was positive Sebastian blamed him. It wasn't really his fault. It was Alois Trancy and Hannah Annafellows who did it. But, nonetheless, Sebastian still blamed Ciel. Why else would he ignore the blue-haired boy whenever possible?

Ciel opened his eyes. Oh look, it was snowing. He held up a hand and watched as the snowflakes melted when they touched his skin. In his mind, he knew that the snowflakes were cold. He didn't feel it, though. Temperature hardly affected him anymore. But still, the snow remained could, no matter what.

Ciel tilted his head to one side, continuing to watch the snowflakes. In a way, they reminded him of Sebastian. For 122 years, the butler had been cold to Ciel. Not physically, of course. But by ignoring the younger demon, he was being cold to the former earl, trying to push him away the only way the contract allowed. Ciel was well aware of this cold ignorance, but he never actually _felt_ it. He would still try to change Sebastian back to the way he used to be, ignoring the coldness. Ciel refused to let Sebastian's actions and communications (or lack of) affect him. He would not give up.

Ciel felt his heart give a small squeeze, and let his hand fall back onto his lap. There was a time when he wouldn't dare admit it, but he truly cared about Sebastian. He had since he was human. When he had become a demon, he was actually overjoyed by the fact that he would be able to spend all of eternity with the butler. Not that he showed it outwardly, per se.

Then he realized the truth. Sebastian wasn't happy now. Rather, he was in despair. The only thing that had kept him, well, alive, for lack of a better word, before was the promise of Ciel's soul. Now Ciel was a demon, with no human soul to give, and Sebastian was stuck in an eternal contract. Not only had the elder demon lost one meal; he couldn't form a new contract to earn another. He had to live on an empty stomach. There was nothing even Ciel could do about it.

Ciel closed his eyes again. That was a big damn lie, and he knew it. Ciel could free Sebastian from the contract. That meant letting the raven-haired demon go. The blue-haired boy had already lost so much. He didn't believe his heart could stand to lose Sebastian as well. How selfish he was.

"My lord, I brought the tea you requested."

The young demon turned around slowly at the sound of the lifeless voice. Sebastian stood there with a tea tray in hand. There was no real tea, of course, but Ciel could no longer taste real tea anyway. The only reason Sebastian gave him tea everyday was because Ciel had asked him to do it. By carrying out his former duties from days long past, the butler had to come into contact with the former earl, whether he liked it or not.

Ciel grabbed the tea cup from the tray. "Sebastian," he started slowly. He had no idea what the words he was about to say would accomplish, but it was worth one last shot. If this didn't work, didn't cause Sebastian to react at all, then Ciel would do it. He would release the elder demon from the contract. "Sebastian, do you know what day it is today?"

No answer.

Ciel continued. He had to finish this last try, before he could release Sebastian. "It is New Year's Day, Sebastian. A time when humans make up resolutions for the new year. Would you like to know what my new year's resolution is?"

Still no answer.

The young demon pushed the tears in his eyes back, blinking a few times. He was going to have to do it. If the butler did not react to his next words, it would be over.

Ciel slid off the balcony railing, and walked slowly over to Sebastian, setting the tea cup back on the tray. He put a hand on Sebastian's chest, and stood up on the tips of his toes. The blue-haired boy placed a small kiss on Sebastian's cheek. The butler's face froze into a small look of shock. Ciel pulled back ever-so-slightly, and whispered in Sebastian ear. "My new year's resolution is to bring back that stupid smug smile of yours."

A moment passed. Then, a moment more. Sebastian's face did not change. He still looked slightly shocked, but nothing else. It was not the reaction Ciel had hoped for. The younger demon's heart sank.

Sebastian smirked. "Is that so, Ciel?"

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><p><strong>AN: Ok, so it's a little bit late for a new year's piece. But, I don't really care, alright? I'm too impatient to just wait for the next new year.<strong>

**Again, rather than working on After 126 Years, I have a shot little one-shot here. It's not a pointless drabble like the last one I posted a few weeks or so ago, last time I took a break from After 126 Years. Ok, so it's probably still pointless. But it's not a drabble. Actually, it's kind of angst-y, with a tiny bit of fluff at the end. Mostly angst, though. It was inspired by this picture right here: **

**http: / / obscuritywithinmercy. deviantart. com/ favourites/ #/ d35xukk** **(8 spaces to delete, I believe)**

**And this quote from the picture was also inspiration: **

**"My new year's resolution is...to bring back that stupid smug smile of yours." **

**Credit for both goes directly to Amena-chan, the artist of the picture. **


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